Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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