Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
