I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
