we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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