As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
