So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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