Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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