But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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