im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My bed smells like the plague
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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