How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
