How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
