i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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