2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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