He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
