It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
