took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
