I just threw up on my dentist
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
