in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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