Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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