ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
what day is it and did you see me today?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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