My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
