I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
