Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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