hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You pole danced in your parka.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
