im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
