She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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