and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
