she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
