Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
