the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
