I want to make a zoo with you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
