First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i came on her dog
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
