Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
