i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
God, I missed his penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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