They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
