If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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