Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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