So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
50% drunk capacity currently
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
