I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
