if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
