new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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