Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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