I just pynch a tree in the face
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize
