I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
