I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
