She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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