thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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