I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
