My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
