he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
