Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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