she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
