it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?