Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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