3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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