I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize