If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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