I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
