I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
