I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
