I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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