eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just found a bag of teeth...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
