i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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