her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
