i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
