I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize