someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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