I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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