you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
