I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
